


Lack of love nourishes poison in my lungs

by Unicorn_alien_staccato



Series: Spontaneous [4]
Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: But it's there, Character Study, Except it's not heavily touched upon, F/M, Gen, Hanahaki Disease, I dunno how to write heavy "making out on the wall" romance so pls forgive, Introspection, It's kinda incesty but at the same time could be interpreted in a gen way?, Kinda, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Short One Shot, So yeah jonathan/sebastian is pining in his own weird way, The clebastian is more or less implied one-sided attraction, also a rewrite from a earlier version I posted on tumblr, maybe I'll write about it another time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:21:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26970559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unicorn_alien_staccato/pseuds/Unicorn_alien_staccato
Summary: Sebastian thinks about Clarissa at times. And as he does, he coughs out petals.
Relationships: Clary Fray & Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern | Sebastian Verlac, Clary Fray/Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern | Sebastian Verlac, Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern | Sebastian Verlac & Jace Wayland
Series: Spontaneous [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1787074
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Lack of love nourishes poison in my lungs

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes I wish there was a little more worldbuilding in the og TMI series. Although would hanahaki be easily curable in their world? Or would it be dangerous to get a warlock to get rid of it for you, since it's more of a surgical removal thing that a quick heal-job? (I think?) Also the Nephilim don't seem to really mix with mundane tech other than maybe phones or something. And factoring the "ride or die" attitude towards romantic love and stuff I've seen/apparently part of the Nephilim, hanahaki would probably be very fast-acting actually-especially in the case of one-sided love (potentially). Also this is a bit old, so it might suck.
> 
> Don't worry, the hanahaki here isn't very life-threatening...probably.

When Jonathan, no, Sebastian (His name is Sebastian now, something that  _ he chose for himself, something that is now his and only his _ ) opens his eyes again, he feels that same itching in his throat, the tickling in his lungs that he could never explain before when he was merely Father’s little monster, still training to be the best weapon he could possibly be. He could not explain it even now, when he’s nearing adulthood. How strange that even dying once could not rid him of that irritating itch and ache within.

Sebastian wonders if Jace can feel it too now that he is bound to him through Lilith’s rune. 

It was a slow day when he asked about it. “Jace.” 

“Yeah?” Comes the reply.

“Do you ever feel an itch in your chest at times? Or perhaps experience coughing fits in the middle of doing something?”

“Nope, I don’t think I do...How come you’re asking?”

Interesting. Perhaps the bond did not allow them to share unique physical afflictions that ailed one party. Perhaps Lilith’s rune was weak in certain areas. He’d have to look more into demonic runes later.

“Sebastian?” Ah, right, Jace’s question. He hadn’t given an answer back yet.

“No reason.” There was no need to ponder upon the questions of the past for now. Sebastian needed to focus on the future now; his future, now bright and clear after Lilith (Clary, really, in her foolish fit of grief-stricken impulsiveness.) gifted him a second chance.

If he got the chance, he'd have to thank her for that.

* * *

On another boring and slow day he asks Jace about the fate of their ( _ his _ ) father since he clearly failed his goal in the War he waged with the Clave and the downworlders. After all, there was obviously no ongoing eradication of either fae, vampires, warlocks or werewolves and such currently happening. Was Father dead? Or was he stripped of his marks, forced to live as a mundane? It would be an amusingly cruel yet fitting punishment for his purity obsessed Father if that happened.

Jace tells him that Clarissa-his sister, who was nothing like him (or so he thought)-had changed the runes for Valentine’s name to her own, causing the angel Raziel to strike him down (With lighting brought down with righteous fury, a part of him jokes morbidly), for he was no longer considered the one who summoned him, killing him on the spot. Clarissa had then asked the angel to bring back Jace from the dead-Sebastian didn’t listen after that, since he already knew that anyway. (Why else would he be alive and walking again?)

But Sebastian found himself thinking of that single action Clarissa had taken. At sporadic periods of time during the days that passed by, he wonders and ponders and contemplates questions and what-ifs. He finds that he chokes up a near-concerning amount of petals during those times.

Little Clarissa, all sparks and spitfire but with no true bite had done  _ that _ to Valentine? Indirectly murdered her own family in cold blood? Like light parting through mist, Sebastian’s world is illuminated once more. Clarissa, dear little sister, had killed their Father, and judging from the glances and the little that he had seen of her-was completely unaffected by it. This fact brought unexplainable hope in his twisted, blackened heart. Part of Sebastian shivers with excitement at the thought of her joining them,  _ him _ .

Would she love him like she loved Jace? With a scorching intensity and undying loyalty that would tie them together forever, never to leave each other? If he cut her open, how much of him would he be able to see?

Perhaps, just maybe. Maybe.

Perhaps his sister was like him after all. Enough that he’d be able to take those strings that connected the two of them together and bind her to him-forever. 

(Perhaps, he was not so truly alone.)

Sebastian coughs lightly, and a purple-blue petal comes out. His chest itches again, and his throat feels dusty and dry. How curiously annoying.

Nevertheless, he starts to wonder if Clarissa would ever join them.

* * *

He coughs up delicate pink petals at times. Whenever Sebastian saw a flash of red, an artist on the streets, the mesmerising crackle of flames or looks up at the stars. He’d cough up those  _ annoying _ pink petals that scratched his throat and hindered his ability to properly speak at times. Sebastian ignores it, because it is something that he has lived with for the past seventeen years of his life. Albeit, it was without the flower petals. But he has lived with this irritating condition for so, so long, that he shoves the worry and confusion to the back of his mind and goes back to planning and preparing. (Sebastian pushes away memories of father sometimes coughing up what he later learned were daylily petals.)

Sebastian had no time for such thoughts and feelings. Time waits for no one. Heaven,  _ and Hell,  _ waited for no one. One couldn’t raise Hell without power. And he needed more of it-fast, before anyone could strike him down through Jace. 

(His “brother” was a useful tool, but Sebastian couldn’t simply rely on one tool. He needed more.)

But he wonders.  


He wonders if his sister would prefer to have some other clothes rather than wearing the ones Father had prepared in the hope his-  _ her _ Mother would come around and joyfully leap back into his arms like she had never betrayed him, never left him for dead, never ran away from him. (How delusional of him. And yet, he prepares to do the same.)   


Knowing Clary (and himself), she probably would.


End file.
